I've come to realize

I’ve come to realize that fisheries assessment is not a good course for someone with very low self esteem or self confidence.  I had thought that I was pretty much over those feelings of low self worth a few ears ago.  I had found a woman who appreciates me and I’d managed to carve out a pretty dang good slice of the pie of life for myself.  I managed to move across the ocean from everyone I grew up with and all the places that are familiar to me.  I learned to communicate in a new exotic language.  I started school, studying in this new language and didn’t fail.  In fact, my grades have been improving throughout my school career.  Then, all that success came crashing down around my feet about three or four  weeks into this class.  The professor, who’s a brilliant statistician, expects that I know things that are well beyond the boundries of my understanding.  He says things lke, “But you already know how to do that so we can just move on to the next step,” and such and i respond with a blank stare as though he were speaking Chinese (not one of the languages of which I have any understanding).  
Now, I know that some of the other students in the class have similar trouble to mine.  But hey have hat crucial ingredient that I lack:  self confidence.  I walk out of that class feeling like I was just sitting naked in a room full of beautiful people all pointing and laughing at me.  I grapple for a hold on reality-that is, the reality where I shouldn’t get so down on myself.  This class is not a personal attack.  The fact that I don’t understand it all doesn’t reflect a stupidity level roughly equivalent to that of a slug.  But that’s my logical side speaking.  Inside there is still that little spic who was almost the smallest boy in the school.  You know, the little boy who was stuffed into gym lockers for fun and mocked in class.  I’ve been doing my best to push him out of the recesses of my mind since he ensconced himself there.  I’m still fighting with him.  It reminds me of “Flatliners”...what an interesting movie.  
I know, I’m whining again.  But, as anyone knows, nobody’s in a good mood all the time. Some people feel the need to go to a psychiatrist to receive theraputic catharsis.  They must feel that by revealing their weaknesses to only one person sworn to secrecy they retain some sense of security.  I don’t have that sense and never have-even when I went to a psychiatrist.  No, I choose to air out the musty air of my weaknesses in front of my friends.  Now that I have a blog I can do it with a few pecks at a keyboard instead.  Occasionally, I get feedback.  But I really write on this site just for me.  I like to release my thoughts and feelings to the world.  I feel cleaner afterward.  
So, I write and I publish.  People come and read what I’ve written and mybe they know that I’m human.  There’s nothing wrong with that.
On a pleasant note, I’m even more excited than I was yesterday about cooking for my dear wife.  Cooking is something that I can do well.  Also, it’s always so gratifying to do something to make her happy.  
See, I told you...I’m moving closer to being in a good mood because of writing this post.