Sentimentality
Most of the time, sentimentality does not take hold of my actions. I was wondering today if this is one trait that is connected to gender. So, I put the question to you, the reader. A woman I know still has a poster that she had hanging in her bedroom as a little girl. When I say a poster, this is one of those very cute drawn pictures that is specifically for very small children. You know, the fat little kid in the middle is surrounded by little smiling mice with clothes on and butterflies. This is not the kind of poster that an adult wants to hang on the wall. So, she keeps it. It’s rolled up in the closet. She’s not really keeping it in the hopes that another child is in the future. She keeps it out of sentimentality. Now, don’t get me wrong; I see nothing wrong with her keeping this poster. I’m not being critical here. I’m merely observing something with which I cannot identify. What I mean is that keeping something from my childhood simply because it was once precious to me seems like nostalgia. I cannot understand why one would hold on to something like that. It could very well be that I became cold or jaded as I grew. It could be that I’ve had such emotional trouble dealing with the contrast between reality and my concept of what reality should be that I’ve always taken steps to remove my emotions from experience. When I really think about it, I hardly even remember my childhood, never mind toys I had or wall decorations.
This is probably a flaw in me and not something by which to judge others. I understand that she wants the poster but I cannot understand why. I have seen this in other women. But I don’t recall seeing this sort of behavior in a man. So, I wonder if men experience thoughts of the past differently or if the difference is just in my head.
I’ve so often heard about people’s skeletons in the closet and I can’t imagine how terrible something would have to be that I could not deal with it and put it in the past. I guess that I do that with the good stuff, too. But my experience of my own past is more centered around things I have done than things that I have owned. I talk often about my trips to Costa Rica and Japan and other places that have somehow had an effect on my development into the man I am. I think about my friends across the oceans of the world sometimes and sometimes I think of specific events involving them. Mostly, when I think of people, though, my desire for their company does not come from anything that has happened in years gone by but the desire to experience an unknown future event with them.
I have my photo albums and my digital photographs and as I flip them I see immediately that I do not know how to take pictures of people because I’ve never done so. I remember when I got my 35mm (I’d say my first 35mm camera, but it’s the only one I’ve ever owned) and I started getting into photographing things I saw. I would take pictures of anything except people, buildings and telephone/electric wires. I have missed a lot of stunning landscapes because of my refusal to take pictures of man-made objects that were not ruins in some form. I think that this is part of my way of remembering experiences. I remember the setting and the feeling of being there. Even now, I don’t get all excited about photographing cities and buildings. But I’ve started photographing people. I can thank my family for that, mostly. I actually enjoy taking pictures of my boy and my wife. My step-daughter is a different story, though. There again, my aversion to unnaturalness gets in the way. I want to get photographs of her when she does not know I have the camera. I don’t like posed pictures and she does her best to pose for the camera. I’m not talking about making funny faces or doing something. I mean that she puts on this mouth-only smile that screams out that someone is taking a picture. That is the only instance of this smile. I think she is a very beautiful girl and taking pictures of her would be a real joy if she didn’t pose. However, I shall have to get used to that (hey, first usage of the word ‘shall’ on this blog-I must be listening too much to the BBC!) because she really believes that she looks better not being herself. One of my favorite human subjects is my nephew Björn Hermann. He has such a well-proportioned and beautiful face. He is also very expressive and one feels as though he wears his thoughts on the outside. He’s also still completely natural-not posing in any way. He’s not camera shy as I was and many other kids are.
But how in God’s name did I digress so far from my point about sentimentality?! Oh yeah, I’ve never taken pictures of people not because the mean nothing to me, but because the experiences I had with them are, for the most part, unphotographable if one wishes to capture the real essence of the moment. I cannot imagine what makes someone sentimental about an inanimate object from their past for which they have no other use than storage somewhere. Even with things I can only think of keeping them in the hope that I will use them again. In the most basic form, one could say that I think of people the same way. I know that people change through time and maybe that’s why I know that it’s pointless to dwell in the past. Things will never be exactly the same way they were years ago. Everything changes, inside my head and out, as time marches on. That’s not a complaint but rather a simple fact. I accept the change and welcome it, even, in most cases. The unsurity of the future is exciting and encouraging; why would I want to hold on to the past?
This is probably a flaw in me and not something by which to judge others. I understand that she wants the poster but I cannot understand why. I have seen this in other women. But I don’t recall seeing this sort of behavior in a man. So, I wonder if men experience thoughts of the past differently or if the difference is just in my head.
I’ve so often heard about people’s skeletons in the closet and I can’t imagine how terrible something would have to be that I could not deal with it and put it in the past. I guess that I do that with the good stuff, too. But my experience of my own past is more centered around things I have done than things that I have owned. I talk often about my trips to Costa Rica and Japan and other places that have somehow had an effect on my development into the man I am. I think about my friends across the oceans of the world sometimes and sometimes I think of specific events involving them. Mostly, when I think of people, though, my desire for their company does not come from anything that has happened in years gone by but the desire to experience an unknown future event with them.
I have my photo albums and my digital photographs and as I flip them I see immediately that I do not know how to take pictures of people because I’ve never done so. I remember when I got my 35mm (I’d say my first 35mm camera, but it’s the only one I’ve ever owned) and I started getting into photographing things I saw. I would take pictures of anything except people, buildings and telephone/electric wires. I have missed a lot of stunning landscapes because of my refusal to take pictures of man-made objects that were not ruins in some form. I think that this is part of my way of remembering experiences. I remember the setting and the feeling of being there. Even now, I don’t get all excited about photographing cities and buildings. But I’ve started photographing people. I can thank my family for that, mostly. I actually enjoy taking pictures of my boy and my wife. My step-daughter is a different story, though. There again, my aversion to unnaturalness gets in the way. I want to get photographs of her when she does not know I have the camera. I don’t like posed pictures and she does her best to pose for the camera. I’m not talking about making funny faces or doing something. I mean that she puts on this mouth-only smile that screams out that someone is taking a picture. That is the only instance of this smile. I think she is a very beautiful girl and taking pictures of her would be a real joy if she didn’t pose. However, I shall have to get used to that (hey, first usage of the word ‘shall’ on this blog-I must be listening too much to the BBC!) because she really believes that she looks better not being herself. One of my favorite human subjects is my nephew Björn Hermann. He has such a well-proportioned and beautiful face. He is also very expressive and one feels as though he wears his thoughts on the outside. He’s also still completely natural-not posing in any way. He’s not camera shy as I was and many other kids are.
But how in God’s name did I digress so far from my point about sentimentality?! Oh yeah, I’ve never taken pictures of people not because the mean nothing to me, but because the experiences I had with them are, for the most part, unphotographable if one wishes to capture the real essence of the moment. I cannot imagine what makes someone sentimental about an inanimate object from their past for which they have no other use than storage somewhere. Even with things I can only think of keeping them in the hope that I will use them again. In the most basic form, one could say that I think of people the same way. I know that people change through time and maybe that’s why I know that it’s pointless to dwell in the past. Things will never be exactly the same way they were years ago. Everything changes, inside my head and out, as time marches on. That’s not a complaint but rather a simple fact. I accept the change and welcome it, even, in most cases. The unsurity of the future is exciting and encouraging; why would I want to hold on to the past?
posted by Our Hero, at 1:40 PM
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